WHAT WOMEN WANT...OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!

Disclaimer: this is a work of literary art with absolutely no references to any person, living, dead or undead. It has NOT been intentionally directed at any particular person either and if you are a girl and YOU feel a sense of deja vu while reading this, it would be purely coincidental and I request you NOT to sue me coz I really don’t want to go to jail.

“Let’s just be friends!” she said, feigning apologetic alacrity, as though that was even possible!!!

Isn't that the shallowest, most ruthless, selfish, gut wrenching, hideous, and THE MOST INSULTING crack on the nuts kind of remark you have ever heard?

Primarily, this translates to, "sweetheart, you were nice. You really were. But I just upgraded to a bigger and better model. But would you be darling and wait on the bench, you know, as backup? Just in case, that is."

Just in case, my ass!! It's like having been given a consolation prize for being a LOSER.

Well… The answer is... NO…. wait, let me rephrase that. The answer is, HELL NO!!

You can't be "just friends" with her. Why, you ask? Well, because she has toyed with you and dumped you for something like a Lamborghini or an iPhone 5 for starters. Because she has wasted hours and hours of your life making you listen to her, sweet talking about you and your relationship, what you mean to her, planning on having babies together,  bitching about every god damn thing in this world and basically having made you a sucker for her.

And then there are those long walks. AAARRRGGHHHH!!!! What the hell were those all about, haan?? She didn't even lose any weight. In fact, her ass just kept getting bigger and bigger and BIGGER!!! And all your money that she so ruthlessly squandered on those countless tequila sunrises and death by chocolates and INOX tickets.

I just wish there was a brain mapping gadget which when connected to the brain tells you exactly what her train of thoughts are. Perhaps even an app! (All you app developers, are you listening? HELLOOOO!!!) Something which could tell us lesser mortals exactly what the fuck women think when they say shit like this!! Whether the words are coming out of their mouths or their asses!!

Of course, in the words of Henry Higgins from Pygmalion, "Thinking is something they never do." But surely, they MUST have a conscience.

The "just friends" thing also means that YOU get to be the one to whom she bitches about her boyfriend. And YOU get to be the one she pings when she's super bored and her boyfriend won't listen to her brainless jibber jabber. And YOU get to be the one to whom she says, “You’re the perfect guy for any girl!” Wait, what? Are you saying that you’re not girl? Or am I like your gay best friend or something!!!

 But, hold it! Hang on a sec!! There's a corollary to this deal too.

"If, by 30 I'm not married and not seeing anyone else, we should get married," she suggests, in an attempt to douse the raging inferno.

Man, it's like saying, "Why don't you warm the bench up while I try and play the field."

Women know very well that if they don't find a rich idiot to suck dry by 30, they never will. And at 30, she stops being a babe and becomes a BEBE. So guys will not hit on her anymore. And YOU, yes YOU, lucky Sir, get to be the backup drive!!!

Of course, if you end up with a "Friends with benefits" sort of a deal, that's not half as bad. But that's about the farthest one should go.

But being "just friends"?? Take my advice and RUN....RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!

Or you could go watch an SRK film instead. It's less painful.